Research shows that there is no one-size-fits-all way to achieve happiness. Each person is unique and must find their own path to self-realization. However, one indicator consistently correlates with a stable feeling of life satisfaction: the quality of our interpersonal relationships. The closer people are to us, the more these relationships affect us, therefore our nearest family can be our greatest source of happiness, but conversely, bad relationships with those closest to us can make life a real hell.

It is especially the relationships in which we grow up that affect us for the rest of our lives. The way our loved ones treat and speak to us in childhood naturally becomes the inner voice of our personal thoughts, which we then develop and partly transform over the course of our lives, to pass on to the next generation. If we take seriously our commitment to our offspring and to the world we pass on to them, we must commit not only to personal, but also to relational growth and development.

In every family, specific ways of relating to ourselves and to others are passed on. We all grow up in a unique microcosm, a combination of the relationships of all the individuals sharing our home. This world usually seems self-evident and natural to us, and we accept it together with our family traumas, taboos, and anything else that people don't talk about. As we grow, we become increasingly shaped by our encounters in peer groups where we have the opportunity to learn about the unique microcosms of others. This shapes our relationship with ourselves, other people, and the world, as well as our value-emotional attitude toward what is important and right.

With this setting, with this personal microcosm, we then enter into a partnership to form a new family unit. Although we try to bring forward only the best in us, the differences and personal traumas of both partners will be reflected in the relationship too. Differences can intensify over time and it is not always possible to work constructively with the emerging dynamics. We often resort to some form of manipulation in an attempt to bridge the divide. We grasp at various recommendations and strategies, but these inevitably fail, because each relationship is always a unique combination of singular personalities and must be created in an authentic and unique way each time.

One of the most important inspirations for my work and these pages is the psychotherapeutic approach of Open Dialogue, which embraces the complex reality of our lives and relationships. It doesn't prescribe correctness or interpretation, instead it emphasizes on a safe space, because it understands that dialogue - sharing on the level of trust, mutual respect and equality - is an essential tool for healing and growth. This implies, that our personal relationships can be (or even should be) such a space for healing and growth.

Partnerships should not be a struggle to promote one person's microcosm or truth over another's. They should be spaces for communication, dialogue, dance, ...  A functional relationship isn't built by following some universal strategy. It is always shaped by mutuality and a willingness to learn and grow. A genuine relationship is not a state, it is a movement - a mutual reciprocal process that is constantly evolving forward. (And this applies not only to partner relationships .)

All living things are in constant motion, a never-ending process of transformation and evolution. Nothing stays the same, everything interacts, intertwines and transforms. If we impose rigid expectations on how the world should be, how other people should be, and how we should act - we will clash again and again. If we want to live in the real world and real relationships, and not just the illusion of them, we must be prepared to accept their uncertain and dynamic nature. This requires a certain amount of courage, but most importantly: we must work on a good relationship with ourselves. Being a good friend to yourself is fundamental to the quality of all other relationships in life.

Too many people are their own worst critic. Too often, our "inner fascist" dictates what is and is not of value and shapes the expectations we have of ourselves and others. Behind these "dogmas" often lies fear. In such a situation, there can be no dialogue, only monologues.

Everything that happens within us also impacts those around us, so our internal conflicts can become the basis for relational crises. However, these processes are also great opportunities, as our relationships can be the best reflection and the most important inspiration for us. This happens if we are ready not just to see the revealed truth, but also to ask ourselves the right questions and open ourselves to mutual dialogue.

Common dominant narratives include stereotypes such as "men don't cry" or "women should take care of the household." These are just superstitions and myths, yet many people believe them as if they were almost a cosmic law. Consequently, countless men walk around the world blocking their emotions, believing that toughness proves their masculinity, and in many households, women feel inferior for not being able to manage perfect home care alongside a full-time job.

Dominant stories influence how we experience our daily lives, shaping and co-creating our experiences in almost every moment. They don't always have to be negative. They can reside, for example, in a belief that people are basically good, or that cooperation is more important than competition. Depending on the times and culture we live in, our innermost stories will be less or more adequate and functional for the given setting. However, we usually cannot judge their truthfulness, which is almost always relative. Many people believe that money brings happiness, and while more money can open up more possibilities, this belief often does not hold in reality, and people do not simply become happier by earning more. To gain something, one usually has to sacrifice something else, so we must consider carefully what is truly important.

Dominant narratives are either what we have consciously chosen to believe or beliefs we have acquired through upbringing and cultural influence. These adopted beliefs can sometimes be destructive, so to preserve our physical and mental health, it may be desirable to transform them. Much of the destructive dominant narratives today revolve around the belief that some people are worth more than others. The concept of capitalism is actually built on this principle, where people compete, chase performance and perfection, and buy piles of useless things just to get a supposed validation of their self-worth. It's as if a person had no value by themselves and had to prove it with their performance, appearance, status or wealth. This false but persistent illusion forces us to focus on unimportant things in life and neglect what is truly important. Captivated by the need to compensate for our insufficient sense of self-worth, we kill life not only within ourselves, but also on a global scale. Our planet is dying because we are not yet able to transform these stories collectively.

Dominant stories that judge a person's worth are usually the most destructive. They can be difficult to uncover and name because they are widely shared, distributed in mass media and interpersonal communication, and just become "the way it is." We can, however, uncover them through careful observation and honest assessment of what we do in life, how we behave in specific situations, and how we really feel. Then we can see whether our sense of self-worth depends on our appearance, or what others think of us, how luxurious our possessions are, whether we make no mistakes, if we gave a top performance, ... etc.

Wherever a harsh judge seems to rule and life is gripped by expectations and anxiety, dialogue needs to be brought in. We need to ask ourselves questions: Is that really so? Who decides what is and is not important? What is hiding behind my beliefs? Is what I am doing functional and beneficial? Is it in line with who I really am? Does it match my values? Do my behavior and beliefs support interpersonal relationships, cooperation, and mutuality? Do they contribute to balance, growth, and development for me and my loved ones? What do I really need? What do my children and family need? ... etc.

It is up to us to choose which stories and values ​​we orient our lives toward. Some dominant narratives can be hard to change because old habits and established ways of thinking have a certain momentum. But we must not forget that they are just something we once learned. With determination, courage, and persistence, we can always learn to do things differently.

If we relate to the world in a way that fills us with fear or anger, if we relate to ourselves with self-criticism and bullying, or if we relate to others in a way that creates pain and hatred, it makes sense to make finding a solution to that situation our top priority.